Black Girls

What brought this about? A writing (or whatever these things are) titled Black Girls? Well, it came from a conversation with a friend of mine who said that she gets annoyed when black guys talk about girls of other races like, “Ooh, she’s hot,” because she’s got some Asian influence in her, or Hispanic, or something exotic. And I guess she’s heard jokes like one particularly funny and relevant one: “I’m not racist: I like white girls.” And there aren’t these kinds of remarks about black girls from black guys or least not enough to counter the remarks about girls from other races.

WHY IS THIS SPACE HERE? I DON’T WANT AN EXTRA SPACE HERE. CHANGE IT BACK.

Having said that, (and hopefully successfully changing the paragraph spacing settings to where I prefer them…) I wanted to give a defense for that sort of thinking, as well as an apology. And even though I cannot speak for black guys everywhere, I would give my reasons for my own biases. And if they aren’t justified in some way, may someone set me straight. But my thoughts and opinions about myself will come later.

I told my friend that the opinion may just be an issue of wanting something different. A “novelty” mindset, maybe. I think back to my short-lived relationship with a white girl early in my senior year of high school. I think her affection may have been partly due to the fact that I was a black dude. I feel she liked my shyness as well, some other things too, but I definitely felt that she was seeing me, because I was black, and since her parents didn’t agree with interracial relationships, I thought that her feelings may have been ones of novelty and/or rebellion. I’m not saying she was conscious of it, but the rebellious appeal of seeing someone or doing something that of which isn’t approved by society or parents or whatever is great, and I feel it is greater at an older teen age. And if that is the case with my then friend, that probably added a lot of appeal to me, a novel or rebellious appeal. Something new or something a little risky makes things exciting, shakes things up a bit. And most teens tend to be into quick thrills of some nature, by my experience and observation.

Black girls, they don’t seem to be willing (or as willing) to date outside of their race as other races as their same race, male counterparts. And in that, black guys probably don’t feel much threat to what is “their territory (they don't feel like guys of other races will actively seek black women, as opposed to black women who feel as if white women, in particular, are taking many of the "good" black men).” And by black girls’ nature (or nurture, as I would believe,) they are more intimidating and loud (strong and outspoken) than girls of other races, so that guys of races other than that of black people are turned off by a girl who won’t be as blindly submissive as ones within their own race. So, essentially, black girls aren’t going anywhere, but the “charms” (nurture over nature again, I believe unless one includes black physical features) allow for black guys to be more attractive to a broader spectrum of women. I don’t have any factual evidence to support this (or many of the things I say without a bibliography), but I do believe on the whole that black men are considered more attractive today than black women, I think mostly due to the more impressionable attitudes of black women.

Also, I feel that the strength of black women (sometimes confused for being loud, but then again, being loud is sometimes confused for being strong) can put off men who expect to be a dominating figure in the relationship. To my experience, Asian, Middle Eastern, and many Caucasian relationships would have the man to be “the man” and the woman to not be as outspoken. There’s not much else to be said about that.

If the black male is intimidated by a strong woman of any race, I would raise an apology to that woman. I feel that anyone can be whomever they want to be, and I don’t feel that there are such differences between men and women outside of the physical where nature would prefer the male do or be something more so than the female in the human race. To me, there is nothing wrong with strength to any degree, emotional, intellectual, or physical among men or women. I don’t understand why a positive attribute of a person would be a negative attribute (unless that positive attribute would cause arrogance.) If that is the case, then I feel that is a problem, maybe even more of an inferiority issue, with the person viewing strength as a negative attribute.

As for my “novelty” theory, that is what it is. I don’t feel it is bad to change, but to change simply for the sake of being different is stupid to me. To vary daily life or relationships are reasons that one may change, and I honestly don’t have a problem with that.

My biases are ones of a personal nature. I don’t like loud people usually. I don’t like the hip-hop culture. I don’t like much rap music or more modern R&B. I don’t use Ebonics. Things that are so commonly seen among black people, that these preferences are actually considered “black.” Like if I choose not to speak without Ebonics or without much of an accent (the accent is less of a choice, I think) people might say I “talk white” or I talk like a white boy. Or if I choose to listen to rock music, then people might say I listen to “white music” as opposed to “black music.” These choices are personal preferences to me. Since a large majority of black girls around my age seem to be so preoccupied with these activities and these lifestyles that I am not attracted to as an individual, it is only natural that I am not attracted to these girls or that I am not actively being part of their lives. And since a large portion of black girls fall into these lifestyles, it is just coincidence that I don’t find much romantic interest in black girls usually. Of course, there are other factors: maybe I’m not really attracted to black female features, maybe I am intimidated by black female emotional strength, and maybe I am racist in romance against my own race. But I have found black girls attractive physically in my life and recently as well. And I have also found black girls whose interests fall more in line with my own, and given time and certain situations with those girls, I may develop an infatuation with them/for them. But since black girls tend not to be as interested in video games, anime, my sense of humor, and other things like that, any romantic feelings I develop would be deadened knowing that a romantic relationship under my desires wouldn’t be enjoyable for me. And after a few rejections in my young life and given the way I think, I can usually stop or ease romantic feelings for another girl if I know I shouldn’t be pursuing that interest, based solely upon rational thought.

Bottom line, the reason I don’t like many black girls is because many black girls conform to a culture I do not want to participate in. Simple.

And I could go into a more complicated paper/essay/whatever, but it would take away from the main point I wanted to get across in this one: why I feel black girls are less attractive to black guys and why I tend to be more attracted to girls of other races than girls from my own race. It really shouldn’t matter who I, as an individual, take a romantic interest in based upon the category of race. So what if I marry a white girl? So what if I never like another black girl? Yes, I may be denying her an opportunity to date me, but for whatever reason I don’t think I would want to be in a relationship with a girl, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with her. Even if it is a biased opinion, even if it is simply wrong, it is only a romantic relationship that hasn’t even started yet. One can live without a romantic interest. As long as sex is still going on and there are people to raise the children, the whole darn world can live without romance. I’m not calling for that, by the way, I’m just saying that my decision not to be with someone in a romantic relationship isn’t like denying someone a job, scholarship, life, happiness, a serious opportunity. That person just doesn’t get to hug and kiss me, essentially. That’s all. And if they are so serious in having me, then I most definitely wouldn’t be interested, because I don’t like it when adults rely upon someone too much. If they are looking, the rejected other will find someone, who will undeniably be better than me, and if I were to start looking, I would find someone whom I would think was the only person for me. Romance works like that. I think it’s silly sometimes. And it’s nonessential to life and one’s well-being. (Here I am going into a more complicated paper/essay/whatever…) If a person must be with someone romantically to be happy, then by the nature of that fact, they cannot be happy with themselves. I feel that would be a problem far beyond being single for an extended period of time. And if one is not happy with themselves, then I feel they would not be happy (ultimately)with someone else, because the person to whom they are closest (themselves) is someone with whom they are still not happy. So that person still wouldn’t be happy, meaning a romantic relationship wouldn’t make that person happy. But then again, if that person doesn’t share my opinion, then they would have their own undisputable reality in which they live and could make it so that they could be happy with someone else while being unhappy with themselves because that someone else “completes them” or some other over-quoted love line like that.

But I wouldn’t be happy for my own reasons, and I do not harm another independent person’s livelihood if I choose to not enter a romantic relationship due to those reasons. And what if a race of people dies out? So, black people no longer exist. One, very few black people as Americans know them are purely black. Africa maybe a different story, but unless they are very dark, there’s a good chance that somewhere along the line, a predecessor was not black. Two, even if black people no longer exist even as black people exist today, what is lost? Does one simply forget the exploits of men and women of the Civil Rights’ movement? Do the deeds of those who fought against persecution based upon race become moot? And besides, if all races blended into a caramel colored race, then there wouldn’t be this discussion anyway. But then again, people would then begin to notice more discrete features, and individual people would be at the persecution of others instead of an entire group of people.

It just gets more and more complicated the more I type…

Anyway, the only problem would come from people and influences outside of my relationship.

And they aren’t (or shouldn’t) be involved if two independent people are participating in that relationship. Except for advice, but I feel advice is accepted by the individual or declined just as easily still making the advised an individual making his or her own decision. I’m going to conclude this now (I hope.)

Black girls can date whomever they wish to date. Same for black guys. It doesn’t have to be each other. Each guy or girl has a reason for what they choose to do. One may not agree with it, but we are individuals and individuals have their own thoughts and opinions. Supposedly. If they do not have a reason, then you will likely come across future situations that merit an explanation that will not have one (a explanation/reason). But even in this, a biased opinion based upon my own life, a young one that has had its own individual experiences that many people may not have had and no one has had exactly like me. So it may only apply to me, and possibly in the future, it may not even apply to me anymore. But I believe it to be noteworthy, and I do believe that my black female friend deserved some answer that had some serious thought put into it. Even though it doesn’t really matter to well-being, being rejected by anyone due to something one cannot help (and moreover, something that in practical reality doesn’t matter) hurts a lot. And if it doesn’t really matter, I feel that feelings of pain drawn from that something that doesn’t matter should be addressed and given some reason or apology or thought or consideration. But that is just me. Perhaps not.